I don’t really care if anyone reads this thing. In fact, I prefer that they don’t. But for some reason I like writing in a blog. Lately I have noticed I have been writing worse in blogs. This reminds me of how we sing really badly when we know someone else is listening to us. If we make ourselves suck then it seems like it is in our control AND that isn’t REALLY how we perform anyway.
So enough with the disclaimer.
So here’s a rant. Is it just me or is it really weird when people don’t care about being involved with another person? I mean, I have moments where I wanna be alone. I used to say I wanted to be alone all the time. But in the long run don’t we want to have some great romantic adventure and find out there really is someone out there for us?
I enjoy many aspects of my life. Don’t get me wrong. I would not be satisfied by love alone. If I were in a relationship, but had no direction or creative will, I would be completely depressed – I know, this has happened to me before. But, when you do know who you are and what you love don’t you want to share that with someone?
Lately I feel my direction is good and that I am working towards my goals the best I can. But there are other things in life. Simpler things. I want warmth. I want to feel good around someone and not know why.
Recently, I stayed in bed till 12 for the first time because a certain person and circumstance was so wonderful I didn’t bother to see what time it was. Later I thought about it a lot, and how it had been so long since something like that had happened. Usually I look down on it. I think that anything that makes you lazy, makes you content to just be, has to be bad. But what is the point in thinking that? I guess it takes a certain state, or a certain person to make that feel right. For me it is not so often, and I was happy to know I could still let go.
But what I had is not stable. I guess it is not meant to be. What I don’t understand is the idea that someone wouldn’t want that, especially sans the complications. Who would deny that love exists and that pursuit of it is an important part of who we are?