The Week of Rejection

This really must be the week of rejection. Earlier this week I found out I didn’t get the job I really thought I’d get. Today, I find out I didn’t get into grad school at UCLA. Oh well. I certainly didn’t have the qualifications for UCLA, so I shouldn’t be upset. My application didn’t really show that I had been devoted to film for all that long. I think I will have much better luck applying next time.

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Ensuing  obligation
of work to be performed 
that has no completion
no record of success. 

When will this nightmare end?

The longing to be as free
as the trees that sway
unencumbered by the pettiness
of electronics, or filing mail
but that sing along with sweet nature
untouched by what has so firmly
put an end to my carefree wandering. 

Why must I continually feel 
so far from them, and unworthy
of the solace in that feeling?

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When do you give up?

I didn’t start this blog to write post after post about how bad the economy is. I didn’t think the economy would have this kind of impact on my life. For the most part, I have avoided the kind of suffering people talk about in the news and have even dodged crises close to home. But this time I am one of many people in the throws of disaster, and it doesn’t look like this disaster is ending any time soon. 

So what is one to do? I have never come up against such a force, and I am sure that other people are just as frustrated. A usual prescription for unemployment is, well, applying for jobs. But what do you do when that doesn’t work? The answer is that there is nothing else you can do. You must preservere! This is much easier said than done. It is difficult to do the same thing over and over again with no success. This is not to say that I don’t learn new tricks on the way. Critiquing the self and constantly improving is a huge part of the process, and can actually be said to be a jem amongst all this mess. 

But, none of this negates the fact that you have to send out applications and that a majority of them are going to be rejected. This gets old. Just yesterday I was told I did not get a job I was sure as hell was mine. Boom rejection. Again and again and again. Fortunately, it starts to get easier each time. 

Since the answer to whether or not to give up is that you can’t, you have no choice, it’s best to think about how one can benefit from all of this. 

The first thing to mention is what I touched on earlier, the need to improve, such as continually editing your resume etc. Your entrepreneurial side will also come out. You keep meeting new people, and learning about new opportunities.

Best of all, you get the experience to work for free. And quite often you get to do a lot of things for free that you wouldn’t get to do if you were being paid. These things get tagged onto your resume. 

It is my hope, that some good will come out of all this experience. I believe something will happen. I have decided to devote an equal amount of time to job searching as I do to doing free work. This free work is what I am passionate about. Since you’re not getting money now, you might as well get experience and that is what I am going to do.

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Crisis of Another Kind Draft 3

Echoing the sorrow
of a hapless generation with pain
that can crystallize a a thousand tears
no army of indifference could cast away.

Mastering the universe
on a 24 year stride with hope
that could guide the force behind the stars
and inspire the people waiting in
coffee shops for their lives to come back.

Challenging earthquakes
of reluctance from the heroine heart
to break through ambiguous paths,
to find that place where hope still resists
all attempts of extermination. 

Untieing  the knot of the self,
the fault finding urge to seek
blame within this guiltless soul
and quite forget the refuge and
joy in the universality of this suffering. 

To re-install the mirror of criticism
to some place far out of reach, at least
for the time being. 

Someday, the church bells that ring on a Sunday 
will once again remind us of peace. And the sun in the
sky will no longer be ominous, like some cruel trick. 
Somewhere, some order must once again reign.
The hopes of a generation cannot forever go unanswered.

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Crisis of Another Kind Draft 2

Mastering the universe
on a 24 year stride with hope
that could guide the force behind the stars
and inspire the people waiting in
coffee shops for their lives to come back.

Echoing the sorrow
of a hapless generation with pain
that can crystallize a tear and start a storm
no army of indifference could cast away.

Dodging away from the earthquakes
of reluctance from the heroine heart
to break through ambiguous paths
helplessly rigged to the untired mind,
where somwhere some hope still resists
all attempts of extermination. 

Someday, the church bells that ring on a Sunday 
will once again remind us of peace. And the sun in the
sky will no longer be ominous, like some cruel trick. 
Somewhere, some order must once again reign.
The hopes of a generation cannot forever go unanswered.

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Crisis of Another Kind Draft 1

I just wrote this this morning. I have not written poetry in months. This needs a lot of structural changes. But I have a new job today, that I have to get ready for, and cannot work on this anymore. I hope to in the near future. 

 

Crisis of Another Kind
 
Casting away the waves,
of reluctance from the heroine heart
to break through ambiguous paths,
helplessly rigged to the untired mind.
 
Mastering the universe,
on a 24 year stride, with hope
that could guide the force behind the stars
amongst the people waiting in coffee shops
for their lives to come back.
 
Echoing the sorrow,
of a hapless generation with pain
that can crystallize a tear and start a storm
no army of indifference could cast away.
Where no medicine has the power to
take you away from what’s going on here.
 
But the church bells that ring on a Sunday afternoon
will once again remind us of peace. And the sun in the
sky will no longer be ominous, like some cruel trick. 
Somewhere, some order must once again reign.
The hopes of a generation cannot forever go unanswered. 

 

 

 

 

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Professional Changeaholic

I don’t seek out change, it just tends to find me. Again, and again, and again. I just have a knack for it, what can I say? 

I have moved, yet again. And, funny enough, I have gotten rid of yet another shitty relationship. I am proud to say that at this time I no longer have anyone I dislike in my life – at least not in my social life. Not only that, I’m practically in a relationship again. It is working for me because the other person and I are looking for the same things and both enjoy having time to ourselves. 

Yet, I am still unemployed. That’s right, despite my efforts I am still unemployed. I don’t know why this is. It makes me doubt myself, despite that I know it’s a universal phenomenon. It still hurts. I want to feel wanted and needed and I want to have my work be appreciated. I am sure everyone feels this way. 

Like the entries before this one, I can at least say that I STILL have no idea what my future will bring. Never has my life been so precarious as it has been these past few months. Somehow I wish that Columbia film school would whisk me away back east and start a new life for me, but I doubt things will be so easy for me. 

In all things I am afraid. I am afraid of nothing working out and I am afraid of boredom. Before when I fought against these things I avoided them or even conquered them. Now, they are the size of a tsunami, stretching for miles outside of my view, outside of my realm of power. 

But it is time to keep optimistic. Perhaps all these changes are for the better. Perhaps they are the rounds that will take me to a happy ending. This is my hope, but like always, I do not know what my future holds for me.

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